Sunny: 2007-2010

 
Something horrible happened in our household today.  We lost our little blue and yellow princess-bird - Sunny, the Budgie.  If you happen to be someone who believes that falling in love with a few ounces of colorful feathers with an Olympic-sized peep is ridiculous, then you ought to stop reading right now.  If, however, you understand that love isn't dependent upon size or species, then feel free to continue with my personal story of pain and loss.

Sunny arrived in our household soon after the loss of another bird, Keets.  Keets and his partner, Shelly, never really became tame.  They were older than we realized when we purchased them, and whatever the reasons, they simply wouldn't get too close to us.  When Keets died, Shelly was quite ill and seemed not long for this world. 

A month after Keets' death, I found myself in Florida visiting my folks.  As we always do, we stopped by Pet Supermarket, a wonderful store chock full with all sorts of pet paraphenalia and pets.  There, in a large acrylic cage, were dozens of birds.  As usual, almost all of them were terrified of people, and would run if you tried to pick one up.  One adorable tiny creature, however, was as friendly as could be:  Sunny.  When my dad and I put our arms in the bin, she ran right up to our shoulders.  Not afraid of a thing, at that moment she won my heart.  I had to have this little bundle of fluff.

My dad purchased a traveling cage for her.  Then, as Sunny was ensconced in a brown Bloomingdale's bag, the two of us made it through two flights and two airports until we arrived in wintry Minneapolis.  Ed has always named our birds, but this time, unsure of her sex (hard to tell with baby budgies), I called her "Sunny."  The name fit her personality, her Florida origins, and her bright blue body with her yellow face - like the sun shining in a clear blue sky.

When she arrived at our home, she literally began to perform miracles.  The vet had claimed that Miss Shelly would last another month or so.  Not quite!  Sunny's spirit lifted that of Shel's, and the tough old bird lasted more than another 2 years.

While Mr Mollo, our cockatiel, was surely way too important and big to play with Sunny and Shelly, he assuredly enjoyed the chatter and company.  Then, when Shelly did finally pass on, he began to tolerate Sunny.  Lonely for Shelly, she would try to get close to him, touching his tail, running over to him.  He almost always pushed her away - but inside, we knew he appreciated the admiration and attention.

These last few weeks, Mollo was seized with spring fever.  He was attacking everyone:  hissing and biting.  All that came close to his beak got shredded:  boxes, Kleenex, paper, wrappers.  Mollo was more aggressive than normal to Sunny.  He'd climb into bathroom wastepaper holders - and of course she would want to follow him.  We worried, however, that if she jumped in with him, he might tear her to shreds.

Our solution was to close doors that were normally open.  That way, we could be sure that they were both in "safe spots" - and no disasters would occur.

Ironic.  In an effort to protect our babies, we created a situation that led to Sunny's death.

Around noon, I went into the bathroom.  I saw Mollo on top of the cage - and usually, Sunny is close by.  As per our new plan, I finished in the bathroom, went to shut the door - and in a milli-second of horror - realized that my baby was gone.  Sunny had been sitting on the top of the 10 foot door, and when I went to shut it, I crushed her little body.  She fell to the ground, dying immediately.

It is horribly painful to lose someone you love - yes, even if that someone is a tiny little bird.  It adds horror onto horror to know that you yourself caused the death of one you love so much.

Ed has tried to console me, over and over, that "it could have been him" and that I was trying my best to protect our girl, not hurt her, and that, the old saw, "accidents happen."  I know all that.  Still, for the moment, my heart is broken.  My sweetie pie is gone - and because of my own action.  It will take time until I can forgive myself.

Yes, I realize Sunny was a bird and not a human being, and despite being part of our family, not a "real" child.  Do not ask me how people ever, ever survive the loss of a real child.  It is beyond my ken.

Still, no matter that she wasn't a toddler and was "just a bird" - I still miss her with all my heart.  She was someone whose name described her perfectly.  Her sunny little face matched her sweet and outgoing dispostion.  She loved to hide in my hair, hang upside down in Ed's pockets, and drag toiletries from the shower onto the floor, delighting as she watched them careen down in a moment.

And now, in a moment, she is gone.

We buried her outside our bedroom, where five other parakeets we have loved and lost are buried.  I hope they will accept her as one more teensy creature that delivered so much pleasure to our family, it is almost impossible to believe.

A few hours later, we looked out the window.  There, an enormous owl sat on a tree, surveying the area.  After a couple of minutes, he flew down - only a couple of feet from where we had just buried Sunny.  He looked, cocked his head, and took off.  I kid you not; this is not a fairy tale.

I am not a religious person.  Church or synogogue services are not my thing, and I am not smart enough to know how the universe came into being, nor what God is really like, nor any of the big questions that religion addresses.  I only know that I hope with my heart when tiny creatures like Sunny die, that their spirits go somewhere wonderful.  I am certain that a big part of that spirit will remain forever, in my heart and Ed's.  May the owl guide her home to a very special place.

If he does, I am certain it will become far more special once Sunny arrives.

Comments

[WeK]

Sunny was just that, full of sunshine. You and her had an intimate relationship one that you will always remember.

Her spirit lives on in you and Ed.

[Keith Burgess-Jackson]

My condolences, Peg.

[Bonnie Rubin]

I hope you will be sustained by your many good memories, Peg.

Thinking of you,
Bonnie

[Tziporah]

I am very sorry to read this Peg. I pray that God will bring you consolation and peace.

[Peg]

Thank you, all - for your caring and dear wishes.

I am so fortunate to have you - and you do ease the sadness.

[Tziporah]

Peg,

I dearly hope that you will soon go to a breeder and bring home two budgies to keep Mr. Mollo, and you and your husband, company. You are a loving and good birdie mommy with a lot of caring that can be given to other birds.

I will keep you in prayer this week.

[James Drake]

You have my sincere condolences.

[jammen]

Sorry for you loss Peg.

[Kimberly Allen]

I am so sorry about your loss. I am sorry that it hurts extra badly because of the way it happened. You know, a lady nearly hit me today in her car. Long story. But I think she thought I would be rude; or just too upset for words. And I told her: it was a mistake in that she did not see me. She did not know I was there. Her face was so horrified that I felt badly for her. I knew that she did not see me. I was sure of it. I think that is the case, here. It is harder for you, and your little bird, well, she has flown on. Love to you and great condolences.

[Claire and Howard Kaplan]

Mom and I knew what a warm, friendly, loveable creature Sonny was and the mere loss of a loved one is bad enough but to compound that loss at your accidental doing multiplies her death.

Mom and I are looking forward to your coming visit and we hope we can cheer you during your sunny, warm Florida stay.

Our love is with you, Pops.

Our thanks to Ed for being wih you and sharing this difficult time.

[Holly Ross]

Peggy -
I am so, so sorry about Sunny. These amazing pets hold a very special place in our hearts.
My love to you and Ed -
Holly

[Donna Boucher]

Oh Peg. I am so sorry to hear your sad news.
Love
Donna

[Paulette Koontz]

Peggy,

I am wiping away the tears as I send you this expression of my sorrow. I have had to put two pets down and it broke my heart both times. I felt your anguish all the way through your story. I will keep you and Ed in my prayers.

Paulette

[Heather]

I came by from Tools of Renewal. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet budgie. I've never owned birds but I have loved and lost cats and dogs over the years. God Bless.

[Margaret]

Oh no! I just saw this and the later post since I don't have much time to read during the week. I am heartbroken for you! You know that we lost our beloved Emile (cockatiel) the same way. It only takes a second and they seem so unconscious of danger, so fearless living with us giants! It is hard to lose a pet any way but by an accident, you will always say, IF ONLY...! These little guys love their freedom though and your guys have a wonderful life, living pretty much cage free. Try to be consoled by that. It's hard, I know. We still miss Emile.

[Elisson]

My condolences. As someone who has had my share of Budgie Companions in years long past, I know how lovable these sweet creatures can be. Alas, their lives are all too short... even without unfortunate accidents.

Sunny lived - I am sure - a much longer and healthier life in your home than would have otherwise been possible. May your memories bring you comfort.